It’s always funny to see old pictures of yourself and see that you’ll never be as cool as you thought you were hahaha.. but wow.. I went through some old old pictures that brought back the last 5 or 6 years of my life. It’s always emotional going down memory road. To think of all the people that were so close to you and to see how many of them are still there. In my case, very few. It’s just crazy to be so close, then to be total strangers almost as if nothing ever happened.. I’m not just talking about old lovers or whatever, I’m talking about anyone you’ve ever been close too..
Also looking back.. you always say “if I knew then what I know now..” haha.. damn.. I don’t care what anyone says though.. aging is so much fun.
I’d like to think my well being has improved immensely from the age of 16 til now.. I’m a lot more responsible, I realize the stupidity in things, I realize what a true friend is and isn’t, and what real love is supposed to be like.
And one of the most ironically amazing things I’ve learned from all of this is that the amazing moments in your life.. the things that you look forward to like love, friends, fun, doesn’t necessarily need to be that amazing at all.
That more often than not, if you look hard enough, you’ll find the most simplest things in life to be the most amazing..
Don’t take this the wrong way.. but way too many people expect way too much from life.. and they simply don’t live.. peace out world. I still love you.
Damn.. looking in the mirror and seeing yourself age is just too damn crazy sometimes. I remember being a kid and wondering what I’d look like as a man. Shit, I remember saying I would want to have kids at 23, and now that I’m 23 I’m still a damn kid myself. It does feel good though knowing my inner child is still so much intact.
Reflecting on my present self though, I realize that I’m not at my full potential, but I feel like I’m making more progress towards that more than ever. I’m finding more of a balance in everything that has stayed important to me.
Something I’ve learned is that in life, you grow in a way where you try things out, see if you like it, take it or leave it, and filter out what’s important to you. I think that’s why in my perspective, things are a lot simpler..
I’m not saying that I’m a genius or anything, but I am glad that I didn’t grow up to be some zombie in the world like the rest of the 95%. It seems so much easier to be among the walking dead..
I grew up questioning everything. Because that’s how you learn anything.. you ask about it. To someone or even to yourself.. why is this like that..? and why is that?… and so on.
You also learn the world through other people. How much can you know about the world without connection with others? I’ve always enjoyed meeting people or having conversations with strangers.. Any connection from person to person is simply a culmination of individual experiences shared through the words these experiences have created..(I don’t even know if that makes sense.. but whatever..)
Looking back though… I lived an awesome life so far, and I am content with what these years have brought and created. This universe and all it’s fates created who I am today.. and as cliche as it all sounds, I wouldn’t change a damn thing..
So I was walking around campus in headphones people watching thinking.. “What makes people appear to be cool?”.. this thought eventually lead me to this thought.. “When I look in the mirror.. am I looking at a reflection of myself.. or am I reflection of what I see in the mirror..?”
I know it sounds like I’m trying to be super deep or smart or whatever.. but think about it. the point of looking in the mirror is to monitor your outer image to the people around you.. if you truly didn’t care about looks.. than what’s the point other than that right? So we all have our standards and types of characters of people in our heads.. and the outer image often is a result reflecting the soul inside right? But can the outer image of ourselves reflect back from our souls or personalities? (Kind of like when you were a kid, you bought Jordans.. so you thought you played basketball better…). So who is portraying who?.. Is the reflection portaying you? or are you portraying the standards in the reflection of your outer image………?
The word create means to bring something into existence. If you think about it with depth.. that’s one of the craziest concepts in the universe. Just the concept of existence alone is more than we can fathom at times.
As an artist or a musician, creation is a way of life. What better reason to live than to create? When I work on music I’ve never been left unsurprised to the final outcome. It’s not that I’m a genius or anything, or some prodigy.. It’s just that the music grows in front of me never sounding like it did in the beginning.
But the thing about making music that keeps me going is people appreciating something I’ve had a part in creating. Even if it’s a nod of the head, or applause, or even a little smile.. just the fact that I’ve created something from nothing and it pulling any little speck of emotion out of someone.. just gives me a feeling that nothing else in the universe can provide. I honestly don’t care much for fame or being wealthy beyond reason. I just want to express myself to anyone out there who may feel the same way I do about anything. Maybe to not make me feel so alone in the world. Like a smoke signal in the sky saying.. where are you? I’m right here.. Let’s question our surroundings and maybe we can learn a thing or two.
Is there anybody out there?
Exterior judgement finds me guilty yet aware. To judge from a shell is to live blindly. To live in a false light is the equivolance to living in darkness. When your world reflects off the light in your soul… What do you see, think, hear, and feel? And just as important, what don’t you… Does this limit our true potential of our lives? I suppose so..
Pen to the paper I extend abstractions to form of tangibility through words with markings. Symbolize my mind through letters and spark emotions through limits of 26. Let this mind out to those who care through communication. As simple as I possibly can, I express what is bottled up inside.. I shall explode against the walls. Kaboom baby…
But she’s the one who stumbles when she talks about, the seven foreign films that she checked out.. Such a fortunate fool
— “Fortunate Fool” -Jack Johnson
